Lately, especially online, there has been a major uptick in cancel culture. If you’re not familiar with cancel culture, it’s essentially the mindset that if someone does or says things that a collective group doesn’t agree with, they shun and shut out said person. It goes beyond holding people accountable for their words and actions, rather it’s an attitude of mistakes being unforgiveable and differing opinions being unwelcomed.
The problem with cancel culture is that it is a black and white mentality, which doesn’t leave much room for differences. We’ve probably all seen people on social media voicing their opinion and telling everyone something along the lines of “If you don’t agree with me, unfriend me.” While I understand that this sentiment comes from a place of feeling passionate about one’s own beliefs, I do not feel that this is a healthy way to deal with differing opinions and attitudes. Part of being in a community, in marriages and relationships, in families, means that we are going to disagree. It’s practically impossible to fully agree with someone in all aspects of life. Life is far too complex. Besides the unlikelihood of always agreeing with the people around us, it’s also not something we should strive for. Part of what helps us grow and learn is learning to live with people who are different than us. We must learn to tolerate the discomfort of disagreeing with the people around us.
Another reason why I disagree with the concept of cancel culture is that this “us vs. them” mentality is often what we see in cults or destructive groups. This mentality is what keeps people trapped in abusive power dynamics and keeps others on the outside. The “us vs. them” mentality does not leave space for differing ideas or beliefs, because they are seen as a threat to the integrity of the group and the culture that the group has created. You can see why being so engrained and indoctrinated in one belief and one point of view can be harmful. The more I surround myself with people who think and belief the same things as me, the more entrenched I become in that mindset and the further away I drift from being open-minded and willing to entertain differing points of view.
People often “cancel” celebrities who’ve made mistakes or done something unfavorable in the past, boycotting their movies, music, etc. This idea that none of us are allowed to mess up without being canceled is also quite toxic. People mess up; they say or do things they regret, whether or not they’re in the public eye. We have all, all of us, done something that we wish we could take back. Can you imagine if that mistake you made determined your future and your ability to be part of a community or to speak with your family and friends?
One of the elements of life that keeps us growing, honest, and humble is the ability to do life with people who have different beliefs than us. The ability to continue to show respect and regard for other people’s dignity is a skill that we need to continue to sharpen. Inability to see others as human beings because of their beliefs is not a signal of emotional health, rather emotional un-health. When you’re scrolling through social media next time, try to be more cognizant of who is partaking in this cancel culture. Make sure that you’re not falling into the trap of canceling people. Stay open-minded and humble and willing to sit at the table with people who might see the world through a different lens than you.
Meredith Powell Counseling 