If you’re new to therapy or coming back to therapy after taking a long break, it can sometimes feel a bit strange, intimidating and overwhelming. You know you need to talk to someone, but you’re not really sure where to begin. I often see a misconception that the client should know exactly what they want and need from therapy, exactly what they want to do in therapy, and have a clear idea of what direction to take. This misconception probably stems from the fact that the client is the one who is presenting with issues they want to explore and resolve, so the client “should” know what they want to get out of therapy. I’ve called this a misconception for a reason—most people don’t know how therapy works beyond the classic ‘talking about my problems.’
It’s not solely on the client to know what direction to go in therapy; a lot of the responsibility of making a plan also falls on the therapist. Therapists should be well-versed in at least one specific approach to therapy (e.g. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, psychodynamic therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, etc.) that they use in their work with clients. Most therapists will take a holistic approach, drawing from a variety of approaches and styles. For example, I enjoy pulling from classic psychotherapy / talk therapy, solutions-focused therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in my approach. It’s important to clearly understand what approach to psychotherapy your therapist takes, so that you can ensure that it’s going to be a good fit for your personal preferences and needs.
Besides understanding the style of therapy, it’s also important that therapists help guide the early stages of therapy by explaining the process to their clients. If you find that you’re unclear on the process, it’s a good idea to ask your therapist to explain it to you. You might reflect on what you hope to gain from therapy, what unmet needs you may have in your life, and what changes you’d like to make. Having a clear idea of the work you want to do will help you communicate to your therapist and start the process of setting goals.
In therapy, it’s essential to have goals that you’re working towards. Without having goals in mind, therapy can turn into 50-minute gripe sessions with no real results. Although it’s not a bad thing to spend the occasional therapy session complaining about your annoying family members or boss, it’s not how you want to spend each session if you want therapy to be effective for you. Venting and complaining without working towards making real change is a waste of your time and money, in all honesty. Therapy isn’t about venting and complaining for an hour a week. It’s about noticing patterns in your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, unraveling complex history and experiences, healing from wounds, improving overall health and mental wellbeing, improving relationships, and generally learning how to manage life on your own after your work in therapy has finished. None of this is possible without having clear goals.
In the first couple of sessions, you should work with your therapist to identify a couple of goals that you’d like to work towards. You can do this by picturing your life in the future, thinking about what you’d like life to look like and what changes you’d like to see in the future. You can also think about what’s not working well in the present moment and choose to address that. Once you’ve identified your goals, the next step is to break it down into more measurable, smaller steps. It’s quite overwhelming to have a goal of “Overcome social anxiety” and nothing more, because it feels insurmountable and unattainable. What needs to happen is that you and your therapist break down the goal into smaller, achievable action steps that you can then evaluate and assess as you continue in therapy. Your therapist can aide you in this process.
Having a clear idea of your goals, measurable steps you’ll take to reach those goals, and specifically what you’d like to change, will help enormously when first starting out in therapy. Understandably, beginning the process of therapy is intimidating and scary, or nerve-wracking at the very least. But if you can use the first few sessions with your therapist to work on making a plan, identifying what you’d like to work on, understand your therapist’s approach to counseling, and building rapport, it will almost certainly ease the tension or nerves you feel surrounding starting the process. You’ll leave feeling empowered, with a good sense of direction and what’s to come, and you’ll be able to get the most out of your time and money.
Meredith Powell Counseling 